End of the World

Back in pre-school, I beheaded a ninja turtle while playing with it. Scared of the punishment, I broke the rule that all toys should be returned after but instead I smuggled it home and tried to fix it to no avail. An act of desperation I prayed so hard to God to fix it, but the next day I cried my heart out because it was still broken. I felt that God abandoned me and it was the end of the world.

In 5th grade, during our afternoon cleaning session, without any teachers around I made a javelin out of a floor mop and scored. I made a huge hole through the blackboard. I was reprimanded by the teachers and said that my parents were to see the principal. I prayed so hard that when I wake up the next morning I would go back in time and throw the floor mop in a different direction so to not damage the blackboard. But again, God didn't answer my prayer. I thought I was dead for sure and it was the end of the world.

In freshmen high, with a few classmates we were caught viewing an adult magazine. We were suspended in school and became the infamous "Porno Boys", tagged by bullies in the higher years. I prayed to God so hard that our bullies will die, the teachers will forget, and my parents will never know. For the duration of the school year, more and more bullies came to notice me for I always fought them back. Also, most of the faculty knew what we did because of the "Public Warning" that was sanctioned, and of course my parents were very disappointed. Then on, I skip a lot of classes for I could no longer afford the shame in school and it was clearly the end of the world!!!

In junior year, being a decorated basketball player with an above average skill set, it was assumed by many, especially by myself that the try-outs for the team would just be a formality. When the final line-up was posted my name was no where to be found. I demanded God for an explanation, I prayed for so long to win a championship in the Juniors League and perhaps opportunity to play college ball, but not making the team was preposterous! It was so over for me, the end of the world!

The next year, when I finally made the team in my senior year. I suffered an injury that slowed my game, I was benched and we never won a single game in the Juniors League. The dream of playing college ball was gone, and my prayer to God ever since I was a kid of playing pro ball was never going to happen. No matter how many times I was on my knees and the countless hours of training and hard work, nothing, it was the end of the world...

During the start of my college days, I moved to Manila, I was able to fit quite well, and was somewhat popular in campus. I was invited to parties, clubs, fraternities and the like. With these new experiences I needed more funding for those activities. I prayed to God that my parents would increase my allowance but on the contrary CAP went belly up, so my tuition became even a financial burden for our family. God once again, did not hear my request. And without such finances available, my social life was murdered and it was again the end of the world.

I joined a fraternity and just a year after I pledged I became the Chapter President. I prayed hard that my leadership may bring our fraternity into greater heights, and to be a strong force in the campus. Among our own members a few did not appreciate the reforms I advocated. I also made enemies from a rival fraternity, the encounters with them were simply violent in nature. The violence grew and rampant, but the bond of fraternal love among brods nurtured and also our defense tactics became organized. My prayer to God was for us to dominate and crush our enemies for I thought we were fighting for the good and our rival evil. For the school authorities our groups became a major security concern. Many of us were apprehended and sanctioned. I was held the most liable and in effect I was expelled in the University that I so long prayed to be a part of. My world was crushed, my future at peril, so this clearly is the end of the world.

So I prayed, but doubting God would again fail me. The gravity of the situation made me look back at the situations I had in my childhood and through my teenage years that I thought was the end, and at that point in time, it was, like my whole life depended on it.

As I remembered my past problems, I began laughing at myself, how a toy became a life-and-death situation when I was 6 years old, or a sport at 15, or the social scene at 18. Juvenile of me to consider those situations define my whole life.

Now, the only necessary thing I need to do is pray.

God never answered my prayers the way I wanted it to. I even already forgot how I got out of those problems in the past and how my life went on. Clearly, I got pass through them but not by the solutions that I have prayed for, it was God's. Hence, there will never be a moment or situation or problem can be the end of the world. For every time I consider such end, God has always made another world to accommodate me regardless of the gravity of my sins. Though it is my nature to sin again and destroy all the goodness of a new world, my faith in Him will always be.

So I remind myself, to keep on praying for they are heard all the time. Many instances my human capacity fails me to understand the ways of the Divine, but I assure you no matter what the outcomes are, my prayers have always been answered.